


Funny How The Heart Can Be Deceiving (More Than Just A Couple Times)

by Tortellini



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Relationship(s), Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Off-screen Relationship(s), Past Relationship(s), Period-Typical Homophobia, Relationship(s), Religious Guilt, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Wordcount: 100-500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-15 19:43:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11812899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortellini/pseuds/Tortellini
Summary: At one time--more than one time, it seems--Thomas Barrow ended up loving people. Loving men. The only issue was that no one ever loved him back.Oneshot/drabble





	Funny How The Heart Can Be Deceiving (More Than Just A Couple Times)

Thomas Barrow hated himself. Well, he hated his heart. He honestly had the worst taste in men imaginable. Worse than Ivy or Daisy (the latter who even liked him before). Worse than Lady Edith. And that's just it. He had a taste in--he liked--men. Not many people knew, seeing as it was forbidden, but a good number of those who did know hated him. People just tended to hate him in general. 

How bad was his taste in men though? Well, see for yourself. 

When he was young, like twelve or thirteen, he had lost his virginity to an older boy. Dunno what his name was, but he remembered everything else about him: he had helped Thomas figure our what type of man he'd grow up to be. It was...a little painful at first, but then it was wonderful. He enjoyed it--and that both excited and terrified him. They had had a 'sleepover'. The next day at school, horrified and disgusted at what he had done, the boy had beat Thomas up viciously, hissing 'filthy queer' in his ear. 

The irony. 

Then get this, it's almost funny. Then he fell for the fucking altar boy at his church. His parents were religious; he obviously was not though. Again, the guy was a little bit older, but this time they didn't fuck. He was clean-cut, and sincere, and...well this too didn't work out.

The rich douche; the diplomat; the soldier who Thomas knew just long enough to become friends with before the bloke decided that being blind was too hard and slit his own wrists.

And then Jimmy Kent. That was his most recent crush. Crushes are for silly girls, they said; well, Jimmy Kent could give you a crush. Naturally he was straight though--but Thomas didn't know that yet when he had kissed him. Jimmy ended up getting a promotion; Thomas wasn't bloody arrested. Hurt and scorned, yes, but not completely ruined. Not yet.  

So there you have it, folks. Thomas Barrow hated his luck in love. He wished for one man--just one, goddammit--to love and be loved by. Was that too much to ask?! 

Apparently, yes. 


End file.
